haiz.... i think im going to die really early... today i almost had a heart attack... IM SERIOUS... during chinese lesson...i said ow...chows didnt seem to realize but my chest...was seriously burning...ithurt... bad i thought i was going to like ...that time i really coudnt breathe...it rally seemed like my heart just like tok...stop there...luckily i didnt make any noise...i dun wanna worry chws anymore...im quite surprised she actu.llly cared when i started tearing.... (i tear easily with no reason lol...)but its ok im not human...i wanna return to what i really am...haiz but luckily it only lasted for a few seconds so ... :P nthin much lar har...i actually surprised ppl...when i told them i dont breathe as often as they do....i mean like...who needs to keep breathing i dun get these humans man...i realize they breathe like...in..out...in...out...in...out...in...outand if they are nervous or just rn they go inoutinoutinouthaha...its quite interesting... i breathe normally like...hmmmiiiinnnn....ouuutttttt...... stops for 5/6 secs iinnnnnnn...outttttt...than when im stoning i dont breathe....at all...LOL i dun find the necessity tothan if im nervous i breathe...in...out...innn...ouuuutttt...iiinn...outtti usually breathe more in front ofdoctors so i dun worry them ^^usually i dun breathe...it scares my family HHAHAas i said im not really humananyway now since my lungs got problem...i have to breathe much deeper and more often....not rally used to it but im trying...so better not talk and let my lungs recovr...but im still jogging and singing ^^i really wanna tok actually T.T i wantd explain to chows how i felt that time i wantd to explain to jess that she was a really good insulter ^^i wanted to tell gen i luv her too... erm in the not lesbo way i wanted to tell virid to take care of her freinds and cherish them before they leavesigh...but i dun really have the strength to... having public speaking was quite a challenge...and i wanna scold virid liao...she say that i got sore throat...next week if i dun get better how ? say sore throat again har...amazingly the more i dun speak...the more i get used to not speaking...it seems like harder to express myself somehow...like i wanna scold virid but i somehow couldnt...i find t harder to laugh even when something said is really funnyits difficult to smile or looklike im in pain...even when i rally am... its even difficult to look sadmust be my bad memory...im starting to forget how to move my face muscles so i can be as animted as before...but NEVERMIND i can always blog my animation AHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHi dun wanna end up like the poor bukiyou no silent guy...expressionless LOL i hope i get well soon...even me trying to make a laughing face...is damn odd and unnatural...and i dun even feel lik it...so scary....i hope i recover soon...seriously i do...its really wierd...a devoid of expression...im actually getting used to it UAHAHA...so since i cant talk that much ill tok more on my bloganyway jess can u get like wynne to check out my blog sometime soon and come tok to me if got any choir comm news...bcus i cant poosibl go up to her and explain the shit sitution im in...she'll think im nuts...and virid i cant really speak in school but i do have many things to say actually...are you still drawing...let me see your pics ^^ i wanna work with you asap if not i expect a GOOD reasonwhen is the cosfest...do you need a photographer...do you wan pro shoots? do you wan me to follow yu...but ill probable not...i dislike ...egoists ^^AND PPL IN SCHOOL PLEASE I BEG YOU...THOUGH I CANT TALK I STILL CAN HEAR ...PLEASE TOK TO ME BEFORE I BORE MYSELF TO DEATH I CANT EVEN TOK TO MYSELFso please talk to me...i know i usually seem bored and stoning but now i really am... i mean...ya...if not ill really become... expressionlesssighz at this point of time i really wanna share my story...but too bad i cantand and...DAMMIT NOT BEING ABLE TO BREATHE PROPERLY SUCKSCANT TOKCANT LAUGH ... JUS STONE an the bad thing is im raelly turnin it into a habit